a life of chasing butterfly
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Tuesday, September 21, 2004
4:12PM
pieces of us die everyday/as though our flesh were hell/such injustice, as children we are told/that from God we fell/where are my angels?/where's my golden one?/where's my hope/now that my heros have gone?/some are being beaten/some are being born/and some can't tell/the difference anymore/Amen/Hallelujah
i'm sorry you'll never chase me down the street again. it was so long ago. i feel like you're taking part of my childhood with you. i wish you hadn't moved. i wish we had all stayed close. i wish i was in a position to take care of your sister for you. i wish i wasn't writing this now.
r.i.p. stephen.
Friday, September 17, 2004
4:04PM
and by the way, I'm back. = )
Dear MoveOn member,
Last week in more than 1,000 vigils across the nation, MoveOn members memorialized the 1,000 brave American men and women who've given their lives in Iraq. As the death toll continues to rise, thousands of young Americans soldiers are paying the ultimate price.
That's why today students and young people nationwide -- through MoveOn Student Action - are standing up to demand answers from President Bush. To make sure Bush gets the point, they're going to print an open letter to the President on Iraq in the New York Times. The goal is gather 100,000 signatures from young people across the country in the next 5 days - making this the largest online student petition in history.
If you're a student or young American, please join them by signing below. If you're not, please pass this message on to someone who is. We only have 5 days to collect 100,000 signatures.
To read the full text and sign the letter, just go to:
http://www.moveonstudentaction.org/iraqletter/
To donate towards the cost of the New York Times ad, just go to:
http://www.moveonstudentaction.org/donate/
MoveOn Student Action is a student driven project of the MoveOn.org Voter Fund and Click Back America, aimed at helping young people use their power as citizens. Here's a message from project director Ben Brandzel:
President Bush's war of choice has taken a heavy toll on our generation. Young people have suffered the vast majority of the 1000 deaths and 7000 injuries sustained in Iraq. We've lost friends, classmates, and siblings; and it's only getting worse.
Experts are now saying that Bush's poor planning and go-it-alone approach have left our armed forces overstretched and pushed us towards a national draft.
That's why we need 100,000 students and young Americans to stand up with us and demand a plan to end this war. Please join us, at:
http://www.moveonstudentaction.org/iraqletter/
This letter is only the beginning. MoveOn Student Action is also running an extensive program to help get out the youth vote in 2004. To really hold our officials accountable, including the President, we must start with a clear message and then back it up on election day. To make sure that happens, just sign up to volunteer when you sign the letter.
Thanks for all you do,
--Wes Boyd
MoveOn Voter Fund
September 17th, 2004
Current mood:  uncomfortable Current music: 311 "Sometimes Jacks Rule the Realm"
Saturday, May 15, 2004
I am leaving to go home this morning. I do not ever access this journal on my family computer. I have no idea if I will be able to update this over the summer. If I can't I will be writing in ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) star_crossd. Please check me out there. I am kind of glad to be going home, like always, but i am worlds not ready. the past 2 days, it's felt like i'm racing against a clock, but i know i won't win.
thank you for being there thru all the confusing, stupid, and good times, lj. worst case scenario, i'll see ou next august.
and so i have to say before i go/that i just want you to know/i've found a reason for me/to change who I used to be/a reason to start over new/and the reason is you
Current mood: melancholy Current music: Hoobastank "The Reason"
Monday, May 10, 2004
Instead of studying for my 2:15 Mass Communications exam:
i'm such a girl yeah a conservative hippie you can ask for your "usual?" we didn't start the fire the seatbelt's stuck in the door and then zack came out in this woman's wig you never have sex dreams about me the strawberry shortcake dog! but I like big shot don't be a bitch tom i used to think tom and cirelli were soo cool yeah i fucked the shit outta her her ass smells like a backed-up toilet wait you're coming with us? he never wins i can't believe you people used to complain about my driving did you see that huge lightning strike? you are so beautiful you ever see newsies? we called her crutchy my dad walked in and actually laughed ashley just came out of nowhere and walked with us i hate automatic seatbelts and he made sure everyone knew he sprinted to the theater anything below his waist is always out isn't it funny how it can always come back to ashley? she could almost be a jewish grandmother and I started to cry
Current mood:  calm Current music: Billy Joel "Big Shot"
Friday, April 30, 2004
11:45AM
I'm waiting for Ash and Cirelli to get out of class so I can go to lunch with them. My 10 was cancelled today! Yes, amazing! I still have spanish, tho. Blech.
I'm going to Plays in the Park callbacks tomorrow. I'm nervous. I really want this. really really. I only have an ensemble callback, but it's something. And I'm happy, but I don't know if having a callback will satisfy me this time. I feel like I should be preparing, but I don't know how. All I've been doing is downloading and listening to songs from the two shows (Footloose and Kiss me Kate). I can't ask Lauren to go over any general dance stuff with me, cuz she's busy with West Side Story. I just want something to show for this year. Something to prove that I learned, that i worked my ass off to get better, and that I am talented and will make something of myself. Plays in the Park is that something.
please god please please please please
Current mood: pretty Current music: Jimmy Eat World "Bleed American"
Sunday, April 25, 2004
A year has past and now we stand on the brink of returning to a world where we are surrounded by the paradox of everything yet nothing being the same. In a few weeks we will reluctantly give our hugs and, fighting the tears, say goodbye to the people who were once just names on a sheet of paper to return to people that we hugged and fought tears to say goodbye to before we ever left. We will leave our best friends to return to our best friends. We will go back to places we came from and go back to the same things we did last summer and every summer before. We will come into town on that same familiar road, and even thought it has been months, it will seem like only yesterday.
As you walk into your old bedroom, every emotion will pass through you as you reflect on the way your life has changed and the person you have become. You suddenly realize that the things that were most important to you a year ago don't seem to matter so much anymore, and the things you hold highest now, no one at home will completely understand. Who will you call first? Where are you going to work? Who will be at the party Saturday night? What has everyone been up to? Who from school will you keep in touch with? How long before you actually start missing people bargaining in without calling or knocking? Who will get breadsticks with you at three in the morning? How long until you adjust to sleeping in a room by yourself, or how long before you realize your three best friends aren't in the bed next to your room?
Then you realize how much things have changed, you realize the hardest part of college is balancing the two completely different worlds you now live in, trying desperately to hold on to everything all the while trying to figure out what you have to leave behind. In the matter of one day's traveling time, we will leave our world of living next door to our best friends, walking across campus to eat, instant messenger, 8:00 classes, and perpetual procrastination to a world that will seem foreign to us despite the fact that we have lived in it for nineteen years.
But it is different now... We now know the meaning of true friendship. We know whom we have kept in touch with over the past year and whom we hold dearest to our hearts. We've left our high school worlds to deal with the real world. We have had our hearts broken, we've fell in love, we've helped our best friends through the toughest times of their lives, something their even best friends at home couldn't be there for. We've stayed up all night just to be there for a friend. We've partied the night away, doing stupid stuff, but we were always there for each other afterwards. There have been times when we've felt so helpless being hours away from home when we know our families or friends needed us most, and there are times when we know we have made a difference.
A few weeks from now we will leave. A few weeks from now we take down our pictures, and pack up our clothes. No more going next door to do nothing for hours on end. We will leave our friends whose random emails and phone calls will bring us to laughter and tears this summer. We will take our memories and dreams and put them away for now, saving them for our return to this world.
A few weeks from now from now we will arrive. A few weeks from now from now we will unpack our bags and have dinner with our families. We will drive over to our best friend's house and do nothing for hours on end. We will return to the same friends whose random emails and phone calls have brought us laughter and tears over the past year. We will unpack old memories and dreams that have been put away for the past year.
A few weeks from now we will dig deep inside to find the strength and conviction to adjust to change and still keep each other close. And somehow, in someway, we will find our place between these two worlds.
In a few weeks.... are you ready?
and don't you look away/don't look back/and don't look ahead/just stay here/and it'll be alright
Current mood:  geeky Current music: Luscious Jackson "Don't Look Back"
"and i don't know how they know everything, cuz kat never goes to class and don and lisa just blow."
Current mood:  cranky Current music: Mel's Computer "Computer Buzzz"
Thursday, April 15, 2004
Dear President Bush,
Today you called upon Congress to move quickly to amend the US Constitution, and set in Federal stone a legal definition of marriage. I would like to know why.
In your speech, you stated that this Amendment would serve to protect marriage in America, which I must confess confuses me. Like you, I believe in the importance of marriage and I feel that we as a society take the institution far too lightly. In my circle of family, friends and acquaintances, the vast majority have married and divorced - some more than once. Still, I believe in marriage. I believe that there is something fundamental about finding another person on this planet with whom you want to build a life and family, and make a positive contribution to society. I believe that we need more positive role models for successful marriage in this country - something to counteract the images we get bombarded with in popular culture. When we are assaulted with images of celebrities of
varying genres, be it actors, sports figures, socialites, or even politicians who shrug
marriage on and off like the latest fashion, it is vitally important to the face of our nation, for our children and our future, that we have a balance of commitment and fidelity with which to stave off the negativity. I search for these examples to show my own daughter, so that she can see that marriage is more than a disposable whim, despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary.
As a father, I'm sure you have faced these same concerns and difficulties in raising your own daughters. Therefore I can also imagine that you must understand how thrilled I have been over the past few weeks to come home and turn on the news with my family. To finally have concrete examples of true commitment, honest love, and steadfast fidelity was such a relief and a joy. Instead of speaking in the hypothetical, I was finally able to point to these men and women, standing together for hours in the pouring rain, and tell my child that this is what its all about. Forget Britney. Forget Kobe. Forget Strom. Forget about all the people that we know who have taken so frivolously the pure and simple beauty of love and tarnished it so consistently. Look instead at the joy in the beautiful faces of Del Martin and Phyllis Lyon? 51 years together! I mean, honestly Mr. President - how many couples do you know who are together for 51 years? I'm sure you agree that this love story provides a wonderful opportunity to teach our children about the true meaning and value of marriage. On the steps of San Francisco City Hall, rose petals and champagne, suits and veils, horns honking and elation in the streets; a celebration of love the likes of which this society has never seen.
This morning, however, my joy turned to sadness, my relief transformed into outrage, and my peace became anger. This morning, I watched you stand before this nation and belittle these women, the thousands who stood with them, and the countless millions who wish to follow them. How could you do that, Mr. President? How could you take something so beautiful - a clear and defining example of the true nature of commitment - and declare it to be anything less? What is it that validates your marriage which somehow doesn't apply to Del Martin and Phyllis Lyon? By what power, what authority are you so divinely imbued that you can stand before me and this nation and hold their love to a higher standard?
Don't speak to me about homosexuality, Mr. President. Don't tell me that the difference lies
in the bedroom. I would never presume to ask you or your wife how it is you choose to physically express your love for one another, and I defy you to stand before Del Martin and Phyllis Lyon and ask them to do the same. It is none of my business, as it is none of yours, and it has nothing to do with the "sanctity of marriage". I'm sure you would agree that marriage is far more than sexual expression, and its high time we all started focusing on all the other aspects of a relationship which hold it together over the course of a lifetime. Therefore, with the mechanics of sex set aside, I ask you again - what makes a marriage? I firmly believe that whatever definition you derive, there are thousands upon thousands of shining examples for you to embrace.
You want to protect marriage. I admire and support that, Mr. President. Together, as a
nation, let us find and celebrate examples of what a marriage should be. Together, let us take couples who embody the principles of commitment, fidelity, sacrifice and love, and hold them up before our children as role models for their own futures. Together, let us reinforce the concept that love is about far more than sex, despite what popular culture would like them to believe.
Please, for the sake of our children, for the sake of our society, for the sake of our future, do not take us down this road. Under the guise of protection, do not support divisiveness. Under the guise of unity, do not endorse discrimination. Under the guise of sanctity, do not devalue commitment. Under the guise of democracy, do not encourage this amendment.
Bette Midler
stolen from rain_in_the_sun
Current mood:  busy Current music: Dave Matthews Band "Space Between"
Wednesday, April 14, 2004
So, um, after actually looking, there already is a DeSales community. So everybody join!
Please?
Current mood:  drained Current music: Vanessa Carlton "Pretty Baby"
I want everyone who reads this to ask me three questions, no more no less. ask me anything you want, then i want you to go to your journal, copy & paste this allowing your friends (including myself) to ask you anything.
Yes, I am copying Dani in my vain attempt to be as cool as her. Oh yeah, and a huge Happy Birthday to ILoveYouBrianThornton!! Here's your ( birthday present )
Current mood: calm Current music: Coldplay "Yellow"
See ILoveYouBrianThornton, I told you!
So I'm thinking that we should make a DSU Community. Cuz Dani, ILoveYouBrianThornton, my Brian, and I have livejournals. And well, yeah, that's only 4, but 4 is good, right?
Whatever.
( Who's a cute puppy? )
Current mood: sleepy Current music: The Beatles "Yellow Submarine"
Saturday, April 3, 2004
I have so many photos i wanna post, but for some reason i can't get into my aol ftp space to upload them. ack. can anyone recommend a good server or whatever? pwease?
Current mood:  awake Current music: my roommates are amusing themselves with "kidzbop"
Sunday, March 7, 2004
12:25PM
I was just browsing around livejournal, and I looked at my lj icons. And I was struck by the icon of brian and i. it's called brian and i. and i thought, "is this really my life? am i this loved, this happy? do i really have a boyfriend? am i really here at all?"
it's those moments that make me realize how lucky i am.
going home tomorrow.
Tell me do you think it'd be all right
If I could just crash here tonight
You can see I'm in no shape for driving
And anyway I've got no place to go
Current mood: calm Current music: Gin Blossoms "Hey Jealousy"
Wednesday, January 28, 2004
Tuesday, January 20, 2004
and tongues twist
and sweat sings
( p.s. )
Current mood:  creative Current music: Dave Matthews Band "Say Goodbye"
Wednesday, December 17, 2003
I waited
in an empty NJ Transit bus terminal
sitting on two vintage suitcases
stuffed with
unsung songs
melted chocolates
clenched fists
unappreciated skies
and enough disillusionment to keep the latch from closing all the way.
I heard you before I saw you.
Your voice echoed through the empty building
(you sang to me without knowing I was there)
Your shadow reached out to me
before you even turned the corner
and I looked down at my small feet
just so you could see me first
(that way, I could look up
and pretend that I didn't know
you were right there all along)
You walked to me deliberately
but instead of just throwing me over your shoulder and running away
you helped me to my feet
and we each took one suitcase
and walked out into the pale starlight
our arms lightly brushing with each step.
We started towards home
but ended up checking into a cheap motel
just so you could
watch me sleep.
Current mood:  loved Current music: Jason Mraz "Conversation with Myself"
Saturday, November 8, 2003
The semiformal was tonight. and this is all I have to say.
Current mood: calm Current music: The Starting Line "Best of Me"
Friday, November 7, 2003
Nine things you wear daily:
* bra.
* some kind of necklace, usually shells
* my belly button ring.
* softlips lip gloss
* curve perfume
* cute underwear.
* juniper breeze body mist.
* deodorant.
* mandarin orange body lotion.
* socks.
Eight movies you'd watch over and over:
* The Boondock Saints
* The Rocky Horror Picture Show
* Moulin Rouge
* The Blues Brothers (even the sequel)
* Chicago
* Josie and the Pussycats
* Sixteen Candles
* The First Wives Club
Seven of your favorite songs at the moment:
* "Yellow" Coldplay
* "Typical Situation" DMB
* "Brand New Hero" Reel Big Fish
* "Wish I Was Everything" One True Thing
* "Married" Cabaret
* "Sway" Bic Runga
* "Blackbird" The Beatles
Six things you touch every day:
* my computer
* my hair
* my cell phone
* my actual journal
* my belly ring (it's healed and tho i probably shouldn't, i play with it constantly.
* my wallet
Five things you do every day:
* smile a lot
* nap
* write
* sing loudly
* care
Four friends that you enjoy being with:
* brian
* ashley
* manda-banda
* siggins (only 4? so unfair)
Three of your favorite smells:
* brian.
* whatever joan wears, cuz it makes the dorm room smell great
* new shoes (i am so not kidding)
Two people that have [positively] influenced your life the most:
* siggins. he helped me see my real self, and he loved me for that self.
* my dad, actually. he screws up sometimes, and can drive me nuts, but i am totally his child. i like to think i've acquired all his good qualities.
One thing you could spend the rest of your life with:
* my brother's st. joe's hoodie. it reminds me of what great friends we are.
Current mood:  giggly Current music: Fiona Apple "Limp"
God do you make me happy. I didn't even look in the mirror before I went outside to meet you tonite. It didn't even cross my mind.
Current mood: beautiful Current music: Fiona Apple "Pale September"
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